Please Sign My Guest Book So I Know Who Visited Kenny's Site Thank You :)
A small "Post Script" here: The song you are listening to is
"If I Had Only Known" by Reba McIntire, The words to this song was
read at my Son Kenny's Funeral During Mass,
It Has So Very Much Meaning To Me.
These candles burn in memory of all our beautiful angel children in Heaven.
4Ever My Son, 4Ever My Angel, 4Ever 17
Thank you (((((Rosemary))))) (from "Forever Moms")
for this adorable signature. I love It !
Click on my name to email me.
I miss him so much, I love him so much
Not more than I ever loved him, but now it is with a deep ache in my soul, and a pain that has no end in my heart. I want him back! I want to touch his face and hear his laughter and watch him grow into manhood. I want to see what he would be doing when he turns 25 and 50. I want to see him hold his sister's child; I want to hear his nephew call him "Uncle Kenny". I want to see him get married and dance with him on his wedding day. I want to see Kenny become a father and I want to hold his children some day. I want to hear him be called "Daddy". I want to hear him talk to me, not just remember his voice but have him here now still sharing his dreams with me. Worry? I worry differently now. I worry that people might forget Kenny. I worry that they will never say his name to me. I just worry differently now about many things. This is my child, my son. I would not give this child away or let someone else raise him or hurt him. I would not turn away and say, "Well, I am finished raising this child now." I would always be there for him no matter what else in life ever happened; my children would always be first; this was my covenant with God when I conceived them, and my prayers were always first for my children's safety and comfort and now my son is no longer with me here in this life. Some people say his spirit is strong and I agree. He was a strong and healthy teenager. They tell me his spirit is still with me and I must admit I'm sure Ken's spirit is with me, but I want him back the way I always had him: mind, body and spirit. Do I blame God? Well, I know I will be first in line to hear God tell me why he blinked that night. I will always ask now, "Why does God let things happen here? Where does God's control begin and end here on earth?" Do I still believe in God? Yes!!! Sometimes with contempt, sometimes just to have somebody to blame for the loss of my son, sometimes with confusion, and sometimes with love. One thing I know for sure is "God can handle my anger". I'm sure he understands my confusion and why I feel the way I do. I'm sure because I know I'm not alone in what I feel. There are so many of us mothers who have lost children, hundreds of thousands of us, and every day our numbers, sadly enough, grow. God does have to answer to a lot of us. I am not alone. But I feel so alone all the time. Is it my grief that makes me feel so alone? Is it this loss of a child that separates me from other types of grief? Yes!!!! I talk to other moms who are grieving the same as me. I read their poems and hear their heartbreaking loss and we share the common ground of our horrific loss. My daughter tries to fill the emptiness and I feel guilty because I can't be who I was before. I love her as much as I always did, maybe even more if that is possible. Do I still pray? Not the same as I did before. I talk to our Blessed Mother now, all the time. I feel that she understands. The Blessed Mother spent time here on Earth. She experienced childbearing. She loved her children and she suffered the loss of her son. Yes, I talk to Mary, mother of Jesus, every day.
Do I think I'm losing my mind? I believe I have lost it already. Maybe I'm beginning to come back from some odyssey my mind took the night I lost my son, and the road back is filled with a pain and sorrow I have never ever imagined, and tears that make me wonder sometimes how much fluid really is in the human body? Why haven't I become dehydrated? Tears that come day and night, never knowing when they will start or how long they will last... so I spend a lot of time alone to hide the pain. I wonder, why do I feel this desire to "hide" my pain? Is it to not let others feel uncomfortable? Is it to try and be strong? Is it another escape I use to "hide"?
Kenny, Me (His mom) and Buffy (His sister, my Daughter)
My son Kenny was out with his friends and at 10:50pm he and a few of his friends decided to leave the park (for what ever reasons) and take a dangerous "short-cut".That "short-cut" caused me to lose my son at 17 years old.
Kenny was hit by a car just 2 steps from safety, He made it all the way across (I95, the Bruckner expressway) from the park to the Roberts Avenue side.
At 10:52pm Kenny was hit by the 2nd car (he rolled off the back door of the 1st car)and the impact to his head caused him to be gone in an instant .We had help getting fencing put around the area and in the middle of the highway, If I Had Only Known... SOONER...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Bronx Cemetery"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a bronx cemetery where gentle breezes blow,
Lies my son I love so dearly,
He died a few years ago.
His resting place I visit,
Placing flowers there with care,
No one knows my heartache when
I turn to leave him there.
Tho' his smile is gone forever,
And his hands I cannot touch,
Still I have so many memories,
Of the son I love so much.
His memory is my keepsake,
With which I'll never part,
God has Ken in His keeping,
I have Ken in my heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The music in my heart I bore,
Long after it was heard no more."
W.Wordsworth
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
Love leaves a memory no one can steal."
A Headstone In Ireland
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It is not the length of life, But the depth of life"
Thank You for visiting my son ^Kenny^ & My Family...
Please Sign Our Guest Book, Just Drop A Line To My ^Ken^
Teen~Agers (as well as Many Adults) live in the moment...
Never thinking that a moment of their actions can create a lifetime of difference to so many others...
I know my son was NOT thinking of "What If" that night...
He was just living in the moment, I believe Kenny was just taking "a shortcut" BUT...
I wish we all could remember our loved ones first B4 we take a chance with our lives OR the lives of those we love...
We All Just Seem To "Live In The Moment" ...don't we?
I have heard many "stories" about "What Happend that night"...
I think sometimes people do not realize that a greiving parent Wants to Know "What Happend", We want every detail of What our sons and daughters did and Why & How this could happen,
We do want answers!!!
We want to know what they might have been thinking, who was with them last, Did it "ALL" happen fast? But mostly we need and
we want THE TRUTH... Please understand we Need to know every detail, But we do not need all the "bull"...
Please don't tell us "stories" just to fill in the blank spaces,
You see no stories can Ever fill the Blank Space in our lives...
I would love to know The Truth of what went on that night.
WHY did Kenny take That Shortcut? What was he thinking 10 minutes before? Was he having fun with his friends? Was he really being chased? I did find out that Kenny Was NOT Alone crossing that "shortcut" that night.
Why didn't the local police handle themselves better?
Will they treat other parents better?
I Will Forever Miss Him, Forever Love Him,Forever be so proud of Kenny And I Will Forever Wonder What Happend that night?
