KennysHeavenlyBirthday

That morning that you were born

I wept with so much joy,

I never realized before

how much I wanted a baby boy...

On that sweet day I carried you home

I wept with love knowing Buffy and I

were no longer alone...

Before your first birthday

you took your first steps

from Uncle Pat to me,

I wept with pride for your future I thought I could somehow see...

I wept as you started your

first day in pre K,

You made friends with all

the children and they all wanted you to play...

As the years passed by

I wept adoringly,

My sweet little boy was growing accordingly...

I wept as the teen years started to unfold

because I knew

your heart I alone would

no longer hold...

I wept with so much

pride and happiness

as I watched your young life beginning to progress...

You were so young to be teaching such lessons to me

Like courage, wisdom,

pride and humor

to name just a few,

Love and kindness

and patience to...

I wept with the knowledge when I saw you pack your toys away,

My little boy was

growing up and

you now had girls

and friends

to stay...

I wept once again with such pride in you,

a new job that you had,

just made you gleam

and gave you independence that summer when you were just seventeen...

I wept knowing we had

so many plans,

for very soon you'de be man...

Mamoo would take you

for your drivers license true,

a new job for you was all lined up to,

Chef school and Hunter with Buffy you'de go,

But God had other plans,

we just didn't know...

All these plans that we made were on wings in flight,

But God took you to Heaven on an August night.

written by Cathy ^Kenny^ & Buffys Mom Forever

1/23/08

Thank You Barbara for the beautiful collage of me & my son ^Kenny^

After you are finished visiting my son ^Kennys^ page you can click above to visit Barbara's beautiful web site...

Kenny was born on January 23 1982,He was 8lbs. 9 & 1/2 ozs. and 21 inches.

Although he had very little hair,the little he had was auburn.

He was two weeks late (my "due" date was January 10; the doctor changed it to January 12; after that, we all just waited). There were a few "false alarms" in November and December, but he just wasn't ready to see the world. The night he finally did decide to see this world, Kenny's sister Buffy stayed at my friend Mary's house. Labor was very fast that night (although it started on January 22 at around 12pm in the afternoon, and my Brother Buddy took me to the hospital, just to be sent home one more time), but that night -- Friday, January 22, at around 10:30 -- I knew this was the real deal, so I had my sweet little daughter Buffy, who was only eight years old, call Uncle Buddy (she left a message), then call Aunt Randi (she was sleeping) Both Aunt Randi & Uncle Buddy would later be my son Kenny's God~Parents. Buffy and I went to my friend Mary's house, and while my labor quickly increased (three minutes apart and Kenny was "crowning"), my friend called an ambulance. I agreed with Mary that whoever got there first (Buddy, ambulance, or anyone), I would go to the hospital. Well, the police came first, and off we went. As my little girl Buf sat with Mary on the couch, happily anticipating the birth of her Brother or Sister, I promised Buffy (she wanted a little sister so bad) that if I had a boy, she could name him anything she wanted. Although I was surprised by Buffy's choice, I certainly was quite relieved and very happy that Buf chose to name her lil' Brother after her Uncle Kenny. As I got into the police car that night, it was around 11 pm, and the very young Police Officers (one male, who drove, and one female, who got into the back with me) told me that "the lights and siren do not work on the car, but we will get you there fast." :-) Well, we did get there (the hospital) fast, passing two other hospitals on the way, because I wanted My hospital! We no sooner got there and I felt like I was going to be sick to my stomach, but I knew from when I had my daughter eight years earlier that, if I did, then my water would break -- so when the officer said, "It's okay, if you need to be sick, just do it." I explained why I wouldn't (my water problem), and they both said "Thank you" with great relief. Then we were on our way into the hospital doors, me in a wheelchair, the police pushing me. A nurse said, "Wait, you have to register her here first," and the young policeman said, "Oh no we don't!" just as a freight elevator opened the door. Needless to say, we were heading Express to delivery on the freight elevator. As the police officers were helping me from the wheelchair to the gurney, I did finally get sick to my stomach, and as I thought would happen, my water broke -- but Kenny, I guess, thought with all that noise and car ride, he decided to hang around in the comfort of his familiar surroundings a little while longer. We got to the hospital at 12 am on January 23; Kenny came to see this world at 12:52am on Saturday, January 23, 1982 -- he was so Beautiful -- I remember to this very moment (and for all the days of my life), when the doctor said, "You have a boy, yes, he is a boy." I really thought I was having another girl -- but as soon as I heard those wonderful words, I still can't put into words how very happy I was. My Brother Buddy did get to Mary's house, and Mary told him that the police took me to the hospital. Bud waited at the hospital and a nurse came and told him he could see the baby. :-) When Bud finally got to see me, I was so excited about My Son -- I said to Buddy, "Did you see him? Isn't he beautiful? He is so big, isn't he just beautiful?" All Bud could say was, "Yes Cat, he is so cute." The next day -- January 24, 1982 -- my Sister Marley brought my daughter Buffy to see her Brother Kenny -- from the parking lot downstairs, Buffy looked up at the window as I held her Brother in my arms, and showed her her little baby Brother from the hospital window. Finally I got permission from the nurses for Buffy to come up and see her Brother "up close" in my hospital room. Buffy was as thrilled as could be to hold her lil' Bro in her own arms. It was the beginning of a wonderful and trusting relationship between Brother and Sister -- I was lucky to have such beautiful and wonderful children. Buffy and Kenny were inseparable from the very start. When he was only one, Buffy would play with him for hours; as he got older with each new birthday,as each year passed everyone would see how special they were to each other.Buffy taught Kenny so much,and often Buffy has said she learned so much from Kenny. Through the years they were inseparable,and as Kenny became a teenager they hung out even more because the people they hung out with all knew each other and the ages were from Kennys age group to Buffys age group.

Well here it is another Birthday of Kenny's with Him in Heaven and us missing him.

Since he went to Heaven Buffy has had a little boy of her own,Logan Kenneth Tyr O'Donnell is her son's name.I of course Love Logan so very much.

I miss Kenny with each breath I take,I long to hear his voice,touch him,See him,laugh,cry and smell Kennys smell once more,For all the rest of my life I will wonder what he would look like NOW...The overwhelming pain of losing a child is truely unbearable but You Do Go On Living !!! As much as you would like to be with your child you know that there are still things you need to do here(you of course don't know WHAT)...At first the pain is numbing and shocking,You are left with total disbelief "This can't be real" "It must be a nightmare" "OH God Please let me wake up",These are some of the thoughts that roll around in the head when you even have a clear thought.

The constant pain doesn't let up...And time seems like the enemy,Time is the intruder who is keeping you from your child, Even the good memories are not good,they just hurt your soul and bring no peace, as You overflow in the agony of the loss of your child you feel sick...Then one day you find a memory that makes you smile,a friend tells you a joke and you realize your laughing out loud and you feel guilty "how can I laugh without my child here with me" you think and might even say that to someone...Then as time goes on you know that you MUST go on,even if you reason it out by saying He/She would want me to laugh and smile again,The pain never goes away,it just takes on a different life as You to take on a different life...But on "Those Days" and "those days" do not have to be a birthday or anniversary date(Heaven date)You once again find yourself right back to THAT MOMENT that changed your perspective on everything you ever believed before in your life...Indeed you are left with being a different you,of course you are still,in many ways,the person you always were,But you know inside you are different with a different feeling about everything and everyone.

You do go on living for the most part...Sometimes you need people to just listen,just let you talk about how you are feeling and the way this dreadful pain and loss has changed you,your life and your hopes for a future,You want to hear about your child,even if it is something you heard before,You Need to talk and share your child ALWAYS...

And you should!!!

People think they mean well by saying things that hurt your heart even more,you want them to just shut up and say Nothing sometimes, just listen to you...

But Ahhhh The Human Tragedy,People sometimes will tell you all the troubles they are going through and not have a moment to let you talk,They must think that "well I already know her story,so let me just tell her mine"... Anger sometimes can't help but be part of our grief,But we can't let that consume us either, if we use it in the same way we learn to use "time" it can be helpful,as long as we don't let it overshadow all our life,and we must TRY to not hurt others(it is so hard tho' sometimes)...The fact is that we will grieve for all our lives while we are here without our children...I do believe and always did believe the our loved ones do come to us,They visit us in so many ways,If we don't look for the signs we will miss the moments of comfort they send us...There are signs all around us we just have to "feel" and "See" them...

Today is Kennys Birthday,and birthdays (and the Heaven days) do seem to bring a heartache all their own...Although I never know when the the pain will come and overwhelm my life,I do know that there are certain dates that overwhelm more...

I find myself wanting to scream "He Was Here", I want the whole world to remember Kenny,Say his Name to me,I want everyone to know that if you have a moment to share with me do not be afraid to speak about Kenny,If I cry or show an emotion or even "shut down"and show NO emotion it is not your words that hurt,it is the fact that I miss him so much...You can't hurt me by talking about him,But you can hurt me by NOT talking about him and not letting Me talk about Kenny,I Need To Talk...Please for all new parents who so UNWILLINGLY now belong to this very exclusive "Club" know that everything you are feeling is alright to feel,You are NOT crazy,nor are you "not handling it well",You are a parent who has lost a child/children,There is NOTHING worse!!!! Please know that there is Help for you,sometimes it may not be family because they are grieving to,But get online and TALK to other parents who have been there, I know that you may feel at first "There is no way I'm going to make it through this,I'm just not strong enough" Or you might even think there is nothing left to live for, PLEASE Hang on,YOU might be the single one who saves another parents (who is new to this "club") life someday,It just might be YOUR Story that hits home (in the heart of new grieving parent)That helps them "make it through",and always remember we all need each other...Please reach out to get the help you need and reach out and help someone in need,Anyway You Can Will Help... I have been so Blessed through all the sorrow to meet some wonderful people online who are walking this same walk,and they reached out to help me,and I have been Blessed with some wonderful friends & family who although never lost a child have grieved with me over the loss of Kenny.Remember even tho' you feel so alone in your horrific loss there are others who really know the pain and will be there for you.

Dear Kenny,

I pray you are with all our family celebrating your birthday today.Happy Earthly Birthday In Heaven My Son...

I love you and miss you everyday of my life and I pray the day we will be together again

we will never know the heartache of grief again. My Son,My Angel Thank You for all the memories you gave to Me, Buffy and our whole family we all cherish each and every memory, The memories have become our blessing and keepsake as we have a part of you with us always...

I Love You More Buubie,("i love you the best i can bubu", my son responded to me with this one night when he was only 2 years old)"... The Song "Be My Baby" was the song I sang to Kenny from the night he was born and I continued to sing it many times through the 17 years he was with me...Kennys song to me was "My Girl", when he was 11 years old he heard it while he was with his Uncles Kenny,Timmy and Pat then he came upstairs and said "Mom you know how you sing "be my baby" to me as well as other songs?" i answered "Yes?" and Kenny said "well I have one from me to you now",and then he sang "My Girl" to me and asked if I ever heard it before, I told him "Yes,But I never loved it as much as I do now"...Whenever I hear "My Girl" now(and I don't hear it that often) I think Kenny is sending me a message,A Wonderful Sign I think...

Kenny loved "smilies" he had them little stickers in his bedroom and all around his bedroom door,He also loved to play "hacky Sack" so this little blue guy(below) reminds me so much of Kenny :)

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